Three weeks ago on the 14th February 2022 I began my newest career journey, I started at a company called Cleanaway as part of the inaugral Women’s Drivers Academy and am currently in training to not only get my truck licence but also to learn how to be a side-lift truck operator and collect bins in suburbs of Melbourne. This role is completely different to my previous role which was office based and a work from home role for the last two years, this job gives me the opportunity to try something new to learn new things and to challenge myself in ways that I’ve never thought about before.
In November 2021, I first found out that I would no longer have a job at the University, and before this was even fully confirmed I applied for this role at Cleanaway. I was so excited about the role, the challenge and the opportunities that it would give me that I really had my heart set on it and originally I did not make the cut and get a position, I remember struggling to get through the phone call without crying because I felt devastated and rejected. It was a hard time but when I got the call to say they could offer me a position I was more than surprised and accepted without hesitation and I am so glad to have started on this journey because so far it has been an amazing experience.
As mentioned I really struggled when I found out I did not originally get the position, the rejection was really hard on me, I felt pathetic and useless and unwanted. I threw myself into applying for jobs and would apply for jobs every single day, the job market was huge at the time lots of administration jobs but nothing seemed right because I think in the back of my mind I just had the idea of being on the road instead of an office so it felt hard to find the right positions to apply for.
I did what I could, I continued to apply for jobs even though I never heard back about any of them which is so disheartening. I joined agencies, got tips from career counsellors but I could only do so much. I ended up getting the call about Cleanaway on the Thursday and I started work on the Monday, so it ended up being a little bit of a whirlwind, but I’m glad that I still got to start at the same time as the other eight women in the academy. I’m so honoured to be a part of such an amazing group of women, it’s been great getting to know them and to be working with them.
The first week on the job we got to learn a lot about the company and waste management, it was an interesting experience, so many fascinating things to learn about like the different waste facilities and visiting the sites, learning about how we can effect the process on our end and there is so much more everyone could be doing to help the process. The most interesting place to visit for me was the largest landfill facility in the Southern Hemisphere, it really is massive and I think the way they do things is amazing.
The last two weeks have been focussed on doing course work for our truck licences and learning to actually drive the trucks, I have had two lessons driving the truck the first time was very daunting because you are in control of such a big piece of machinery but the instructors have been amazing and I have learnt so much.
This week during my drive I got to have a try at reversing and also got to drive on the left-hand side which was amazingly less daunting than the reversing, probably because I wasn’t in the truck all by myself. I am still learning but I feel much more confident after my second driving attempt and I still have three more lessons so hopefully by the time it comes to our assessments I’ll be confident I can do it, but I know I’ll still be scared or worried about doing something wrong as you always are when it comes to tests!
Today marks the end of the third week at this job and I really am enjoying it but also feel a little drained not only because I am learning something new and there has been a lot to learn and a lot of information to take on board, but also the fact that I went from working from home for the last two years to suddenly being around people every day and in a classroom setting for the last two weeks with a lot of people talking and a lot of noise I’m not used to. I don’t think I ever really considered how hard it would be going from being home alone for so long to being around people constantly.
I’m sure I am missing having my girl Izzy by my side all day every day too, she has been my constant companion and I miss her company and her cuddles, although I have to admit it’s nice to have a conversation with real people for a change *hehe* I will eventually get used to the change, but the change has just been a little overwhelming this week and I have struggled, I wanted to just curl up in a ball and hide from the world but I know life isn’t that simple and you just gotta keep going.
I am doing what I can to get through this and I know that there are things that I can do for myself to help me feel so not overwhelmed, unfortunately the simple act of being alone and taking some time to decompress is not as easy for me, you would think for someone who is single and basically lives alone I could do that no problem but unfortunately some people don’t understand the need to take care of your own mental health.
I spent three days fighting an internal battle that I needed space and I spent more than three hours writing a text message because I felt the need to explain myself to someone who I thought would understand, but instead I was made to feel like a terrible person and a bad guy because I wanted to take time for myself, even though I was scared that I would run myself too thin and I would lose this job because I couldn’t cope. I have felt so much anxiety over the last few days that my decision would be overruled by someone else because in so many ways I never feel like I am truly in control of my life.
This weekend is Supanova and for anyone who has ever read my blog or looked at my website would know other than 2020 I have been to every single Melbourne event they have held and I really wanted to go this year as well because I miss my friends and my con family, but I know that I would be destroying what little grasp I feel like I have left at the moment by going. So I have sadly had to make the decision to not attend, but I hope all those that do enjoy themselves and have a good time. I will miss you and I wish I could be there. Hopefully next year things will be different, I can only hope….
I have also updated my stream schedule to fit in with my new job, as of next week I will be starting work at 4am and so having a streaming schedule that finishes at midnight will no longer work so I have changed it to 6pm-9pm Tues and Thurs with hopefully a weekend stream thrown in the mix. As always I appreciate your support and everything you do for me.
Little bit late but it’s still only single digit days in January so not too late… I hope everyone had a great Christmas or holiday period and had a good time bringing in the new year. Let’s hope that this year 2022 is better than the last year. It’s been a crazy few months for me and I have taken time away from the computer and Twitch only streaming here and there and not adhereing to any schedule at this time.
So first off….
I hope everyone enjoyed some special time spent with family or friends or even alone, I enjoyed getting to spend time with my family after another year spent in and out of lockdown, and all the other things that happened last year, not as many things as the previous year but in some ways anniversaries are harder to cope with alone than the events themselves at least that’s how I found it. Now it is 2022 and hopefully there will be good things to come…
So a little of an update on me… just before Christmas I was made redundant from my job, which in some ways was a relief because leading up to that it was over six months of stress wondering, a confirmation was a relief from the uncertainty. Not only was I made redundant but almosy all other members of my team, only one managed to get another job within the university, probably a good thing since no one else really knows the collection like we do.
It has been so weird not having anything to do with my life at the moment, work in some ways definitely kept me sane, but I’m not going crazy yet… As soon as I was advised of the confirmation of the redundancy I started applying for jobs and have had a couple of interviews one has been very promising and I have had to go and get a medical done as it will involve driving a truck which I am very excited to challenge myself with trying something new. So here’s hoping for a good new start in 2022, I can’t wait to see what lies ahead this year.
Happy New Year Everyone!!!
At the beginning of this week on Monday I celebrated my First Stream Anniversary, it was the 22nd of November 2020 when I broadcast my first stream and it’s crazy realising that it’s now been over a year. I am so very appreciative to everyone who has helped me on my Twitch and Streaming journey, my moderators and my Giggle Gang community I would not be where I am with their support.
In the last two years the world has changed in ways none of us ever could have imagined with Covid and all of the changes that have come with it the world is a different place than it was, and we have each found different ways to survive and it has not been easy… With the lockdowns and the loneliness that comes with the isolation of lockdowns, it’s been a struggle to get through without depression and anxiety getting the better of you. I’m so glad to have had the ability to stream and spend time with my community, even though sometimes it’s hard to be positive there too, real life can be overwhelming, but I do my best to be open and honest with my community but to keep the sadness and emotions at bay a little but sometimes it’s hard.
I have an amazing community with my Giggle Gang and they have helped me through a lot of things over the course of the last year, my stream on Monday was as much about thanking all the people who have helped me along the way, as it was a celebration for me. I had a great time playing multiplayer games such as Fall Guys aka Drunk Beans with the amazing @petitebluerose and @Narkissios as well as some laughs in Overcooked 2 with good mate @fiestydreams. I have missed playing multiplayer with friends like this and it was such a joy and something that I really needed and thoroughly enjoyed.
I especially want to thank my moderators because without them I would not be where I am in my streaming journey, they are such an integral part of everything I do and help so much. I appreciate all of my Mods but especially want to thank @CaptainXIT and @BackgroundRach for tuning in and sharing my anniversary stream with me, I know that Captain specifically got up at a ridiculous hour to be there and support me and it definitely wasn’t the same not having the other Mods there as I really would have liked to have properly been able to thank them on stream, but it is what it is and I appreciate them none the less.
Unfortunately as the night got on I started to have issues with my stream glitching – Mitch was in full force… but with the technically issues and as I started to tire I found it a little hard to put aside the overwhelming emotions of real life and after finishing my stream I felt so incredibly flat and emotional it is just life is hard sometimes and right now is one of those times… After the stream and struggle to hold my emotions in check I made the decision to take the rest of the week of streaming, I will be back, this is not the end, just a break, we all need a break sometimes for our own mental wellbeing.
I really am thankfully for everyone in my community and am glad I got to celebrate my one year anniversary with those special members of my community who stopped by, it meant a lot as does their continued support.
I still struggle to find the words to explain how much I love and miss my beautiful Nan, for the first time in my life I have lived a whole year without her, but has that really been lived? Feels more like surviving than living….
Because of COVID and everything the world was/is facing our times together where cut short but I know that I am so very lucky to have been able to see you and to say goodbye even though that is never an easy thing to do I’m glad I was able to because so many others never got that chance.
I’ll never forget the last time we were together and you were well, it was a sad day where we sat together and held each other as we said goodbye to a loved one, your son and my uncle. ❤️ I do laugh when I remember the last time I hugged you and you hugged back was after I left and returned because my phone had fallen out of my pocket and down the side of the couch, we laughed, hugged and said I love you.
The last text message I received from you, you said you were sorry to hear about Zac, when I remember our lasts I am reminded just how hard 2020 was, not only the lockdowns and isolation but the deaths, the grief, and the grieving without your family and friends to be around. I never could have imagined that 2021 could be worse, but even though there have been no deaths in the family this year, it still feels so much harder, just everyday things are so much harder than they ever have been before, every day feels exactly the same and it’s getting harder to seperate things.
This last year really has been difficult and I miss being able to talk to you Nan, I miss your hugs… but I miss everyone’s hugs, I miss human contact, I miss being able to see people just because I can, I miss freedom, I miss getting in the car and going for a drive…. I have learned to not take things for granted, to spend time with the important people in my life whenever I get the chance, which lately is very rarely. I’ve been surviving, even when the simple act of getting out of bed has felt utterly exhausting, when I have no motivation to do anything, I somehow find the energy within to keep going and to continue to survive, maybe some of that strength comes from you Nan….
I love and miss you Nan even though I know that you are with me, I often find myself talking to you, mostly about mundane things… I know you were always proud of all of us, for what we have done and who we are… There is memory from your funeral that will always stick with me because it was beautiful and something that felt so natural, with all the emotions of that day the most beautiful moment was when the hearse drove away one by one we stepped out to wave you off, the same way you (and Pa) always would when we came to visit, that family tradition is so engrained is us all that it made that moment so special.
I write this with tears in my eyes because when it comes to talking about you and remembering moments, I still feel so much grief but as time goes by it is easier to recall memories and think of you without tearing up. I just miss you and our connection, life will never be the same without you here, but life isn’t the same in general at the moment
Love you forever and always Nan ❤️
Hey everyone, please come and join me for my birthday stream on Twitch!
Another year spending my birthday in lockdown, not being able to see friends or family and not being able to celebrate the way you normally would has made it neccessary to find other ways to celebrate, for me I thought it would be fun to stream so I have taken the day off work and will be doing my first ever 12 hour stream to celebrate. There will be fun, games, chats, a unicorn onesie and I will be auctioning off some of my artworks that have been completed on stream. The auction will start the day of my stream and will go for three days finishing during my scheduled Saturday stream.
You can check the auction at Birthday Auction when it is live.
These last two years have been rough and have definitely had it’s ups and downs, and lately I have been really struggling, I feel sad all the time and I don’t really know why or what the cause is other than possibly depression and I’m sure I am not the only person who feels that way, it’s hard on everyone. Sometimes it’s hard to admit that you’re struggling but unfortunaltey it is a part of life and everyone has their moments, maybe for me the nearing of my birthday has made the feel more depressed it has gotten worse over the years and being in lockdown and feeling isolated all the time does not help, but having this stream event to look forward to has really helped me to keep going.
On Saturday during my stream I had lots of laughs with CaptainXIT as we played No Man’s Sky and it was the first time I have laughed like that in a long time and it was amazing and now I am really excited about my birthday event and sharing it with friends and having a good laugh. I hope to see you all there and to spend my birthday with you all!!
On the 22nd and 23rd of May I attended my first event in two years and it felt amazing, I have been in a bit of a slump lately just feeling really flat in general and attending this event and seeing my amazing con family, it gave me the boost I so desperately needed. I feel so rejuvinated and reminded of how much love, fun, friendship and memories I have with so many of these amazing people. Given everything that has happened over the last year or so it felt strangely normal to be at this event, occassionally there was the awkwardness of whether that person was up for hugs or not but most of us were hugging and it was like old times and felt so good.
The people I spend time with at these events are family and they always will be, this family has so much importance to me because they have been there for so long. I was never good at making friends, well I was good at making them but was never good at keeping them, so to say that I have known and been friends/family with some of these people for close to 16 years is just incredible. When I think back to my pre-convention attending days I never would have thought I would be where I am today and be apart of such amazing community. I still feel so lucky to be a part of such an amazing community, I share so many memories with these people and they will always hold special places in my heart because without them those memories wouldn’t exist.
First day of the event I wore my Happy Little Vegemite shirt for nostalgia reasons and the next day I just wore another fandom shirt as always, I didn’t really buy anything over the weekend until the later on the Sunday where I found my mate Jase at Gateworld Collectables had a awesome signed cast photo from Agents of SHIELD and that show helped so much over the last 18months that I just had to buy it.
Here is a quick review of the event… When I arrived I had to park at basically the opposite end of the showgrounds to where the buildings were so that was a little bit of a nuisance. There was also a massive queue to get into the show with prebrought tickets, one that I had walked the length of before being told that I need to go back and join it… I only had a day ticket and I was in no hurry to get into the event so decided to just hang around, I couldn’t be bothered walking all the way back to the end of the queue eventually I managed to get it. The hardest part of often working events is that when you just attend them you have to deal with all the queues, I would have actually volunteered for this event but because I didn’t have the okay from my doctor to go back to my actual job full time and in the office following surgery I didn’t want to take any chances.
Once you got past the entrance queue there was another entry queue to get into the main building of the show, due to the restricted numbers because of covid they had to stagger the entry into the building, of course it made perfect sense and had to be done but there was a definite annoyance in the crowd of people. Unfortunately the queue was like that most of the day and if you left the building at all you had to line back up to get back in, this is why I did by best to avoid having to leave the building, I only did so once and at that stage had not realised you had to go through the whole process again, lucky for me I was with friends who had the Supa Q pass and they let me back in with them, “sometimes it’s not what you know it’s who you know. Anyway the queuing was really the ony negative thing about the event and the reason for it was understandable.
I just really enjoyed spending time with my con family it was great catching up with everyone, talking about things that had happened, even having a little cry with friends because yes, sometimes things get too much and I don’t always talk to the people/friends closest to me about the things that effect me and I think the last few years between medical issues and COVID lockdowns I’ve kept a lot to myself and in some ways I let myself open up with these friends/family, which isn’t neccessarily unordinary but maybe it was just that there was more to talk about this time than in the past. I think COVID and the lockdowns really made it feel hard to talk to people, because everyone is going through the same thing but differently so you don’t neccessarily feel like you can talk about your issues when those around you have their own… It was good to talk about it with these friends who I hadn’t seen in ages and learn that yeah, maybe I had been through a little more than most in the last 18months.It took me a while to get this post out because straight after that weekend, like three days later Melbourne went back into lockdown and it feels like it has been two week lockdown, two weeks open since then and it is so hard to do things when there is no consistency anymore.
Complete Guest List: Zack Snyder, Miranda Otto, David Wenham, Radha Mitchell, Liam McIntyre, Elizabeth Blackmore, Nicholas Hamilton, Luke Arnold, Lincoln Lewis, John Jarratt, Spike Spencer, Aimee Smith, Joe Brumm, David McCormack, Nicola Scott, Tom Taylor, Stewart McKenny, Anthony Christou, Queenie Chan, Jamie Johnson, Dean Rankine, Al Barrionuevo, David Yardin, Darren Close, Gary Proudley, Christopher Sequeira, Steve Proposch, Jack Dann, Steve Paulsen, Janeen Webb, Tracie McBride, Charles Spiteri, Maurice Zanthos, Rebecca Fraser, Dr Karl Kruszelnicki, Jay Kistoff, Maria Lewis, Amanda Bridgeman, Jodi McAlister, and Astrid Scholte.
I have been busy lately with having started streaming on Twitch, but I recently got back into doing some drawing and decided to reimagine one of my old drawings and create a character from it and want to use it in my streams as emotes and other things.
I started to reimagine this character to use in emotes after becoming Affiliate on Twitch and thought it would be cool to use and it would be fun getting back into drawing something a little different than normal. At the moment I only have one emote of him available and that’s only for Tier 3 subscribers to which I have none, but I’m hoping once I get more subscribers I can get more uploaded for people to use in mine and others chats on Twitch and discord. I was also thinking of creating T-Shirt designs for a Twitch/TeeSpring store to sell.
You can check my Twitch channel out here: https://www.twitch.tv/smileygidget
I honestly don’t even know how to put into words what this year had been like for me and I know so many people have had their own struggles too…. this year will definitely be one that I will never forget and I’m sure a lot of people can say the same thing.
This year and it’s struggles have been such a emotional roller coaster from the isolation of Melbourne restrictions and working from home to the people I have loved who have left us this year, I still cry when I talk about them like my boy Zac who I miss dearly when I just want a fluffy hug but Izzy my girl has been by my side and my rock this year more than I ever though possible. My Nan who left us not so long ago and I miss so dearly that I still cry for often even though I know in my heart she’d be telling me to stop crying and be strong and to which I respond with “I’m trying Nan” every time, but to cry is not a weakness it’s a realisation that you need to let the emotion go, if I didn’t cry this year I would be a horrible pent up mess of so many emotions so I know it is better out than in.I never thought I would be dealing with these medical issues for another year either but here we are and now I know it could go on for much longer or even end up being something I deal with for life, this year and it’s crazy hasn’t made it such a focus point even though the pain is always there and constant it’s been easy to ignore with everything else happening…
There have been so many good things this year though, I found Twitch and with that I found one of the most supportive and loving communities I have been a part of in a long time, this year was my first year in years that I didn’t attend a convention or event of any kind and the twitch community have definitely helped to fill that void and give me the family that I have missed, I have made so many new and amazing friends and achieved goals I never would have thought to have such as starting to stream and becoming affiliate on twitch, making a little bit of money doing something that I thoroughly enjoy never crossed my mind before…
I hope that 2021 will be a better year, but then again for me the last two years have been especially hard even if I don’t think anything will top this year for the emotional struggles… our lives with Covid and this pandemic is not over yet and we just have to be prepared for whatever comes next, we have to remember to be safe and to not take things and people for granted.
You are all special people to me and I hope that as we say goodbye to 2020 we do so with people who are special to us be it in person or virtually, let enjoy life as much as we can right now. Love to you all, HAPPY NEW YEAR!
(Post copied from Facebook, but I really wanted to share it here too)
MERRY CHRISTMAS to every single one of you amazing people!!!!
This year has been a challenge for everyone and as we approach the end of the year we are all hoping that the year ahead will be better to us. Christmas time is suppose to be a joyous time, when people visit and spend time with their loved ones, for some this is the first time this year they have had the chance to spend time together, and for others they might be missing their families because they don’t want to take the chance to see them or they are unable to due to restrictions.
I have mentioned it many times that this year has been a hard one with so many challenges and that we are all going through it together, however we are all having our own unique experiences as we go through it. My family tends to never actually celebrate Christmas on the day, one side tends to celebrate it before and the other afterwards but this year it all happened before the day, I don’t really have an issue with it I just find the actual day a little depressing because other family members have partners and other families to go and see and then here I am on my own with my kitty for company. It’s not terrible, sometimes it’s nice to be on your own it just feels a little sad at this time of year.
Christmas was hard this year and I’m sure I’m not the only one to feel that, it has been a long yet short year with both sooo many things happening but also not a long happening at all, it’s honestly just been such a bizzarre year but one thing it has been is EMOTIONAL. It’s like you get to a point where you think you are okay and then something stupid happens but that one thing seems so much worse and it causes that dam to break and all your emotions to come running out… both Christmas celebrations this year I cried, but when it was with my Dad and some family I tried so hard to be strong and hold it all in I balled my eyes out before getting ready to go in hopes to get it out of the way before getting there but then I arrived and it all came crashing back again. I know I don’t have to be strong and hold it in, but it hurts knowing that your crying is effecting and making others emotional around you, but I also know that sometimes you just need to let it out and I am a lot better with that concept than I used to be. Even if the celebration started with tears I still managed to have a great day with my family and that is what matters.
I hope everyone had a great Christmas day or Christmas celebrations, whether it was alone or spent with family or friends, as long as you were able to enjoy yourself that is all that really matters. I started my actual Christmas day in a stream, as I do scheduled streaming every Thursday night so it just happened to bleed into Christmas Day and it meant I got to do things I love, I got to entertain and make people smile and laugh whilst I had fun playing games, dressed in Christmas clothes and wearing different Christmas hats, some times it’s the little things that make all the different and I’m so glad to have so many amazing friends. I also did a Christmas evening stream which was amazing I had a lot of fun playing games with friends, started with some Phasmophobia, then some Fall Guys and even a quick trip into Ark to see what Christmas presents my mate had left me there.
You can join my Discord and see some clips and highlights from my streams here: https://discord.gg/YvHc8xrw
We did the 12 Days of Christmas at work, thankfully with weekends and a day off I had enough Christmas shirts for almost every day.
QUICK ANNOUNCEMENT: I have decided to stop my Vlog for the moment and focus on Streaming, not sure if I will come back to it or not as I did not really have many viewers on my vlogs.
Hey everyone, I have posted a new Vlog… trying to keep to posting once a month, please check it out!
I have also started on a new adventure of Streaming, and Gaming… which I talk about in the above Vlog. You can find my new Twitch streaming channel and the Discord server I have created in my website menu bar, or at the following links:
I have only streamed twice so far and the first time was not recorded, so far the streams have included me playing games such as Among Us and Phasmophobia with mates and just having a good time. I do have many other ideas for streaming, but if you look at my discord server I also have a section for stream suggestions so please head on over and throw some of your ideas at me, and check out my Twtich stream to see me being my goofy self with other friends and playing games where I either get killed or kill people.