This year has been a crazy roller coaster and I’m sorry that I haven’t been around a lot and it was never intentional life got in the way and I have struggled to do many things I love… I stopped streaming, stopped doing art, stopped playing games, stopped hanging with friends, I stopped doing a lot of things that brought me joy and calmness, maybe that has added to all the stress and anxiety and crazy of this year, but it’s been so hard when everything is so exhausting. I haven’t been around much for many reasons and not just because life got busy, another reason is because my world and my self-worth has been filled with so much negativity lately that I haven’t wanted to put that negativity on anyone else and I haven’t had the energy to continue putting up a façade, so I’ve been quite content to suffer in silence which I realise is unhealthy.
This year started in a down with being unemployed after losing my job in December and having been unsuccessfully looking for work. I have no idea what exactly I wanted to do, but I knew after two years working from home during Covid I wanted a change, but still my future was uncertain and that alone is stressful. Things got better when I got the job at Cleanaway and got to start on an amazing new adventure, I was so grateful for the opportunity and couldn’t wait to start this new adventure. Unfortunately, with the excitement in the career area other parts of my life started to go downhill rapidly, I found out that the house I was living in was going to be sold and I only had a couple months to find somewhere to live and with a new job and no real job security I didn’t even know where to start. In the end it did work out in my favour, and I was able to buy my own little place for just Izzy and I to call home, to have a freedom that we’d never had before, it took a long and stressful time to get from panicking about finding somewhere to live to being in my own home, but things are settling down and for the most part I’m happy, we are happy… I’m so proud of my girl Izzy on her adjusting to the new place, such a proud fur mamma.
Another huge part of this year has been loss, with love comes grief and this year I have had to grieve a few times, thankfully it was not another 2020 because I don’t know if I could handle another year like that, but still losing two people who I love is still enough grief for one year. To my grandpa and my cousin, I probably never spent as much time with you as I should have or wanted to, but I will never forget you and I will love you forever, it hurts that neither of you are here anymore, but I am grateful that you are no longer suffering, your pain is gone. Death is never an easy thing and emotions are not always easy to deal with and they can surprise you, one minute you are happy and laughing the next you have tears running down your cheeks.
Another thing I struggled through this year was the second anniversary of my Nan’s passing I thought by now it would be a little easier but there has been a lot going on this year many accomplishments and I wish I could tell her about all these things I have done, but not just that I miss everything about her especially her smile and her cuddles, life is not the same without her and never will be but I was so lucky to have her in my life for so long. Maybe experiencing loss again made it a little bit harder, my cousins funeral was only days before the anniversary so maybe that had a lot to do with it too, seeing old photos of the two of them together, seeing my family grieving all over again. I know I don’t have to have a reason to still be grieving as everyone grieves differently and everyone grieves people differently it’s just a part of life.
On top of all of that I have been dealing with difficulties at work, it’s been very hard and quite disappointing, it has been an incredible stressful experience a rollercoaster of its own with a lot of ups and downs. This new career started off exciting and filled with positivity, it was something new, different, and exciting and I had made a new little family in the group of women who I started this adventure along side of, we went on this adventure together and it bonded us. Like all things though, they change I was so happy and proud of myself when I started, when I learnt to drive a truck and I successfully got my truck licence, unfortunately things were not so smooth… when I had my medical done it came back showing I had severe sleep apnoea, due to this I was at risk of losing not just my truck licence but my full licence all together if I didn’t get treatment, it was a stressful situation as I started to use a CPAP machine which was a struggle and still is, I was also struck down with COVID which made using the machine even harder so at work they took me off the road until I could use the machine and safely do my job. In the end after much stress, panic and worry I managed to sort out the issues and can use the machine enough to do my job, but this was nothing compared to what happened next.
It was only maybe a month later when everything changed all over and I was once again taken off the road again, I was getting ready to move house, I knew how sick my cousin was and knew I was just waiting for a phone call any day, and then I felt like I was completely failing at my job and it sent me spiralling, I felt like I was letting everyone down and that I couldn’t do anything right no matter how hard I tried, I felt useless and worthless and I went to a dark place very quickly and with so much other stuff going on that I just let myself spiral and I didn’t reach out, I didn’t want to tell anyone I didn’t want to be a burden, I felt that I deserved to feel that way and then everyone was going through so much I felt so pathetic being torn up over something so trivial in the grand scheme of things. Anyway everything at work changed when I got taken away from driving the garbage trucks and got moved to another department, working in hard waste driving a smaller truck and doing much more physical work than ever before. It hurt more than I care to admit, I loved driving the garbage truck and picking up bins I enjoyed it more than almost any other job I’ve ever had, being alone in the truck and just able to listen to music and go at my own pace was great and so having that all taken away from me has been extremely hard and the reason why I feel like such a failure.
Things at work are still hard and I struggle every week just to get through it, I’m so exhausted that any time I am not working I’m too tired both physically and mentally to do anything else at all. Hard rubbish collection is extremely physical, and painful, my body hurts more than it ever has before, even when I was suffering through my medical issues and having surgeries and recovering, I at least had the energy to do the things I enjoyed still. Now I never have the energy to do anything, any time I am not working I’m too tired to enjoy life at all I just want to curl up and sleep. It’s not just that my body is suffering a lot, my muscles hurt constantly, I’m covered in bruises all the time and I have eczema all over my hands from wearing gloves all the time too. Dealing with these issues doesn’t help with the exhaustion and with physical exhaustion comes mental exhaustion, the more exhausted you are the harder it is to keep your mental barriers up and I feel like they are falling all around me all the time. The only positive of the change is that I have lost some weight which makes me hate myself a little less – but is it worth it? I haven’t decided yet, I’m honestly struggling so much, and I don’t know realistically how long I can keep going before I completely break, and it’s hard to admit that but it’s the truth.
When it comes down to it all I am lucky to still have a job, it could have been much worse, can always be a lot worse. I’m going to do everything I can to keep going, but I just don’t know if I’m strong enough to keep going, I feel broken and that feeling keeps growing every day, every week. I know this year isn’t quite over yet, but I wanted to get this out there now, it’s hard to share your feelings when you feel weak and embarrassed, but I know that I have already been keeping these things too myself for too long, it’s too unhealthy and I can’t let it sink me further. I appreciate all of you and I’m sorry that I haven’t felt comfortable or strong enough to share my struggles with you, but I am now and that is a start, I hope that when the new year comes around things will be different and maybe I won’t feel so exhausted all the time and I can slowly start getting back into the things that I love, that bring me joy and help to clam all the anxiety and stress inside me.
I wish you all the best for the end of your 2022, I hope you enjoy the holiday season and get the chance to spend time with family and friends and that you manage to enjoy yourself, I know from personal experience that this time of year can be hard for many people, but I hope you still manage to find some joy. 2023 will be a new year and I hope a better one, wishing you all the best and I will be back again next year with more updates, I will try my very best to be more open and honest and share with you how I’m feeling and what’s happening. As much as I struggle with keeping my feelings to myself and not sharing, I understand that talking to people helps and I will try my best to not to dig a deep hole for myself to hide in.
Here’s a random collection of photos from the last few months, there’s been lots of changes but there has also been positive things in a sea of negative and I do want to share those, because I am proud of myself.
It’s been a while since I posted a blog and the reasoning is that Life has just been one big overwhelming mess for the last six months or so. I started my new job, I have lost a couple of family members, had some medical issues and I have also had to change living arrangements and have been living out of boxes for the last six months. Sometimes you just try and take it a day at a time but all the things in life don’t let that happen, stresses have been absolutely insane for me this year and I have had my fair share of bad moments, given how crazy and emotional the last few years have been it’s crazy to think that out of them all this year has been harder than any of the others.
Some days it’s been hard just to function but you have to function because life goes on and you have to get up and do what you have to do to keep going, even if it feels like the hardest thing you haver ever done. There have been moments over the last few months that I honestly don’t know how I was still functioning because everything was just way too overwhelming, but I did manage to keep going even though it was hard, and in reality I just wanted to curl up in a ball and cry my eyes out… but that doesn’t do anything to fix the problem. The things in life that were so very overwhelming were so much so that I didn’t even know how to talk about them, and I could never find the words to explain or describe it all and that is why I have been so absent.
Thankfully things should start settling down now, I have moved into my own place and although I still have some things to do for now it is comfortable and starting to feel like home. Izzy has started to settle in and so have I, although sometimes it still feels like I’m staying in a hotel or something because it’s so much newer and brighter than the old house. I have my computer set up again and can hopefully start streaming soon I just need to sort some things out but for now it’s a good start so hopefully I’ll be back to doing that soon. This place is a lot smaller than the last but I have still managed to find space for doing my artwork as well, it’s in the garage but that is better than nothing so it will do and I kind of love my own little studio space with my awesome compact fold down desk – Just got to move the car out when I wanna get creative.
Things at work have been very stressful and unsure as well, I took a giant leap when I applied for this job and it hurts me to admit it but perhaps it was not the best job for me as I have really struggled. I have felt completely embarrassed and humiliated because of things that have happened and because of all the stress and overwhelmingness of everything my self hate was deep and dark and took me places no one likes to go. I am the type of person who thrives on positive comments and reinforcement so when I am somewhere where it feels the only comments you get are always negative it’s hard to build yourself up and feel like you are succeeding, because all you have to focus on is all the things you are doing wrong and nothing you are doing right… So this on top of everything else has been hard and over the last few weeks there have been so many bouts of crying and so many tears because my hatred for myself and the fact that I feel like a failure is strong and even though people around me keep telling me I am not that feeling always lingers… it doesn’t help that I also feel like a disappointment, that I have let myself and everyone else down who was proud of me for doing this job and driving the trucks etc.. that has probably been the most emotional part, especially because I know the people I love who have passed away were proud of me and I feel like I’m letting them down the most.
Grief is something that is never easy to deal with either and sometimes it takes a lot time for everything to really hit you and with all the craziness of this year that has been what has happened to me… Earlier in the year my Grandpa passed away, he was my Step Dad’s Dad but he had been apart of my life since I was 8yrs old, I may not have been as close to him and my Nan as I have been with my other grandparents but that is because they live further away and I didn’t get the chance to get out and see them as much, it does not mean that I loved them any less I have always appreciated having them in my life. Going to my Grandpa’s funeral was much harder than I thought because not only was I grieving for him but so many emotions were hitting me as the last funeral I had been to was my Nan’s in lockdown when people weren’t allowed to come so there were a lot of emotions swirling in me that day. Funerals are never easy but there is always one thing I appreciate about them and that is seeing all of your family that you haven’t seen in a long time, and being able to share stories and reminisce about the person who has passed.
Unfortunately I have another funeral to attend this week, my older cousin Mark passed away from brain cancer and even though it was expected due to the illness and it was a blessing when it happened because you hate seeing people that you love suffering it was still hard and it took me a while to properly process it, in fact I don’t think I really have yet and maybe that is where the funeral will help. I got the call that he had passed about an hour before I got the call that settlement had gone through on my house, I stood just stood there on the phone crying because all the emotions hit me at once. The crying has happened a lot over the last couple of weeks because again that is what grief is and it is never easy to experience, it is different every time it happens and everyone deals with it differently. I am very grateful that a few weeks ago we all got together as a family, it was hard and it was emotional because not only was it the first time we had all gotten together since my Uncle and my Nan passed in 2020, we also knew that it would be the last time we would be together with Mark there. It was an amazing day though and I am thankful to have had that experience, spending time with my family is one of the things I love the most in life. It was also pretty amazing watching all my cousins kids and my brothers kids playing and interacting with each other, it is a special memory that will stay with me forever.
I thank you for reading my blog and once again apologise for it being such a long time since the last post. I appreciate every single one of you and can’t wait to get thinks back up and running so I can get back to being social with you all over again. Much love ❤️
Three weeks ago on the 14th February 2022 I began my newest career journey, I started at a company called Cleanaway as part of the inaugral Women’s Drivers Academy and am currently in training to not only get my truck licence but also to learn how to be a side-lift truck operator and collect bins in suburbs of Melbourne. This role is completely different to my previous role which was office based and a work from home role for the last two years, this job gives me the opportunity to try something new to learn new things and to challenge myself in ways that I’ve never thought about before.
In November 2021, I first found out that I would no longer have a job at the University, and before this was even fully confirmed I applied for this role at Cleanaway. I was so excited about the role, the challenge and the opportunities that it would give me that I really had my heart set on it and originally I did not make the cut and get a position, I remember struggling to get through the phone call without crying because I felt devastated and rejected. It was a hard time but when I got the call to say they could offer me a position I was more than surprised and accepted without hesitation and I am so glad to have started on this journey because so far it has been an amazing experience.
As mentioned I really struggled when I found out I did not originally get the position, the rejection was really hard on me, I felt pathetic and useless and unwanted. I threw myself into applying for jobs and would apply for jobs every single day, the job market was huge at the time lots of administration jobs but nothing seemed right because I think in the back of my mind I just had the idea of being on the road instead of an office so it felt hard to find the right positions to apply for.
I did what I could, I continued to apply for jobs even though I never heard back about any of them which is so disheartening. I joined agencies, got tips from career counsellors but I could only do so much. I ended up getting the call about Cleanaway on the Thursday and I started work on the Monday, so it ended up being a little bit of a whirlwind, but I’m glad that I still got to start at the same time as the other eight women in the academy. I’m so honoured to be a part of such an amazing group of women, it’s been great getting to know them and to be working with them.
The first week on the job we got to learn a lot about the company and waste management, it was an interesting experience, so many fascinating things to learn about like the different waste facilities and visiting the sites, learning about how we can effect the process on our end and there is so much more everyone could be doing to help the process. The most interesting place to visit for me was the largest landfill facility in the Southern Hemisphere, it really is massive and I think the way they do things is amazing.
The last two weeks have been focussed on doing course work for our truck licences and learning to actually drive the trucks, I have had two lessons driving the truck the first time was very daunting because you are in control of such a big piece of machinery but the instructors have been amazing and I have learnt so much.
This week during my drive I got to have a try at reversing and also got to drive on the left-hand side which was amazingly less daunting than the reversing, probably because I wasn’t in the truck all by myself. I am still learning but I feel much more confident after my second driving attempt and I still have three more lessons so hopefully by the time it comes to our assessments I’ll be confident I can do it, but I know I’ll still be scared or worried about doing something wrong as you always are when it comes to tests!
Today marks the end of the third week at this job and I really am enjoying it but also feel a little drained not only because I am learning something new and there has been a lot to learn and a lot of information to take on board, but also the fact that I went from working from home for the last two years to suddenly being around people every day and in a classroom setting for the last two weeks with a lot of people talking and a lot of noise I’m not used to. I don’t think I ever really considered how hard it would be going from being home alone for so long to being around people constantly.
I’m sure I am missing having my girl Izzy by my side all day every day too, she has been my constant companion and I miss her company and her cuddles, although I have to admit it’s nice to have a conversation with real people for a change *hehe* I will eventually get used to the change, but the change has just been a little overwhelming this week and I have struggled, I wanted to just curl up in a ball and hide from the world but I know life isn’t that simple and you just gotta keep going.
I am doing what I can to get through this and I know that there are things that I can do for myself to help me feel so not overwhelmed, unfortunately the simple act of being alone and taking some time to decompress is not as easy for me, you would think for someone who is single and basically lives alone I could do that no problem but unfortunately some people don’t understand the need to take care of your own mental health.
I spent three days fighting an internal battle that I needed space and I spent more than three hours writing a text message because I felt the need to explain myself to someone who I thought would understand, but instead I was made to feel like a terrible person and a bad guy because I wanted to take time for myself, even though I was scared that I would run myself too thin and I would lose this job because I couldn’t cope. I have felt so much anxiety over the last few days that my decision would be overruled by someone else because in so many ways I never feel like I am truly in control of my life.
This weekend is Supanova and for anyone who has ever read my blog or looked at my website would know other than 2020 I have been to every single Melbourne event they have held and I really wanted to go this year as well because I miss my friends and my con family, but I know that I would be destroying what little grasp I feel like I have left at the moment by going. So I have sadly had to make the decision to not attend, but I hope all those that do enjoy themselves and have a good time. I will miss you and I wish I could be there. Hopefully next year things will be different, I can only hope….
I have also updated my stream schedule to fit in with my new job, as of next week I will be starting work at 4am and so having a streaming schedule that finishes at midnight will no longer work so I have changed it to 6pm-9pm Tues and Thurs with hopefully a weekend stream thrown in the mix. As always I appreciate your support and everything you do for me.
Little bit late but it’s still only single digit days in January so not too late… I hope everyone had a great Christmas or holiday period and had a good time bringing in the new year. Let’s hope that this year 2022 is better than the last year. It’s been a crazy few months for me and I have taken time away from the computer and Twitch only streaming here and there and not adhereing to any schedule at this time.
So first off….
MERRY CHRISTMAS
I hope everyone enjoyed some special time spent with family or friends or even alone, I enjoyed getting to spend time with my family after another year spent in and out of lockdown, and all the other things that happened last year, not as many things as the previous year but in some ways anniversaries are harder to cope with alone than the events themselves at least that’s how I found it. Now it is 2022 and hopefully there will be good things to come…
So a little of an update on me… just before Christmas I was made redundant from my job, which in some ways was a relief because leading up to that it was over six months of stress wondering, a confirmation was a relief from the uncertainty. Not only was I made redundant but almosy all other members of my team, only one managed to get another job within the university, probably a good thing since no one else really knows the collection like we do.
It has been so weird not having anything to do with my life at the moment, work in some ways definitely kept me sane, but I’m not going crazy yet… As soon as I was advised of the confirmation of the redundancy I started applying for jobs and have had a couple of interviews one has been very promising and I have had to go and get a medical done as it will involve driving a truck which I am very excited to challenge myself with trying something new. So here’s hoping for a good new start in 2022, I can’t wait to see what lies ahead this year.
Happy New Year Everyone!!!
At the beginning of this week on Monday I celebrated my First Stream Anniversary, it was the 22nd of November 2020 when I broadcast my first stream and it’s crazy realising that it’s now been over a year. I am so very appreciative to everyone who has helped me on my Twitch and Streaming journey, my moderators and my Giggle Gang community I would not be where I am with their support.
In the last two years the world has changed in ways none of us ever could have imagined with Covid and all of the changes that have come with it the world is a different place than it was, and we have each found different ways to survive and it has not been easy… With the lockdowns and the loneliness that comes with the isolation of lockdowns, it’s been a struggle to get through without depression and anxiety getting the better of you. I’m so glad to have had the ability to stream and spend time with my community, even though sometimes it’s hard to be positive there too, real life can be overwhelming, but I do my best to be open and honest with my community but to keep the sadness and emotions at bay a little but sometimes it’s hard.
I have an amazing community with my Giggle Gang and they have helped me through a lot of things over the course of the last year, my stream on Monday was as much about thanking all the people who have helped me along the way, as it was a celebration for me. I had a great time playing multiplayer games such as Fall Guys aka Drunk Beans with the amazing @petitebluerose and @Narkissios as well as some laughs in Overcooked 2 with good mate @fiestydreams. I have missed playing multiplayer with friends like this and it was such a joy and something that I really needed and thoroughly enjoyed.
I especially want to thank my moderators because without them I would not be where I am in my streaming journey, they are such an integral part of everything I do and help so much. I appreciate all of my Mods but especially want to thank @CaptainXIT and @BackgroundRach for tuning in and sharing my anniversary stream with me, I know that Captain specifically got up at a ridiculous hour to be there and support me and it definitely wasn’t the same not having the other Mods there as I really would have liked to have properly been able to thank them on stream, but it is what it is and I appreciate them none the less.
Unfortunately as the night got on I started to have issues with my stream glitching – Mitch was in full force… but with the technically issues and as I started to tire I found it a little hard to put aside the overwhelming emotions of real life and after finishing my stream I felt so incredibly flat and emotional it is just life is hard sometimes and right now is one of those times… After the stream and struggle to hold my emotions in check I made the decision to take the rest of the week of streaming, I will be back, this is not the end, just a break, we all need a break sometimes for our own mental wellbeing.
I really am thankfully for everyone in my community and am glad I got to celebrate my one year anniversary with those special members of my community who stopped by, it meant a lot as does their continued support.
THANK YOU!!!
I still struggle to find the words to explain how much I love and miss my beautiful Nan, for the first time in my life I have lived a whole year without her, but has that really been lived? Feels more like surviving than living….
Because of COVID and everything the world was/is facing our times together where cut short but I know that I am so very lucky to have been able to see you and to say goodbye even though that is never an easy thing to do I’m glad I was able to because so many others never got that chance.
I’ll never forget the last time we were together and you were well, it was a sad day where we sat together and held each other as we said goodbye to a loved one, your son and my uncle. ❤️ I do laugh when I remember the last time I hugged you and you hugged back was after I left and returned because my phone had fallen out of my pocket and down the side of the couch, we laughed, hugged and said I love you.
The last text message I received from you, you said you were sorry to hear about Zac, when I remember our lasts I am reminded just how hard 2020 was, not only the lockdowns and isolation but the deaths, the grief, and the grieving without your family and friends to be around. I never could have imagined that 2021 could be worse, but even though there have been no deaths in the family this year, it still feels so much harder, just everyday things are so much harder than they ever have been before, every day feels exactly the same and it’s getting harder to seperate things.
This last year really has been difficult and I miss being able to talk to you Nan, I miss your hugs… but I miss everyone’s hugs, I miss human contact, I miss being able to see people just because I can, I miss freedom, I miss getting in the car and going for a drive…. I have learned to not take things for granted, to spend time with the important people in my life whenever I get the chance, which lately is very rarely. I’ve been surviving, even when the simple act of getting out of bed has felt utterly exhausting, when I have no motivation to do anything, I somehow find the energy within to keep going and to continue to survive, maybe some of that strength comes from you Nan….
I love and miss you Nan even though I know that you are with me, I often find myself talking to you, mostly about mundane things… I know you were always proud of all of us, for what we have done and who we are… There is memory from your funeral that will always stick with me because it was beautiful and something that felt so natural, with all the emotions of that day the most beautiful moment was when the hearse drove away one by one we stepped out to wave you off, the same way you (and Pa) always would when we came to visit, that family tradition is so engrained is us all that it made that moment so special.
I write this with tears in my eyes because when it comes to talking about you and remembering moments, I still feel so much grief but as time goes by it is easier to recall memories and think of you without tearing up. I just miss you and our connection, life will never be the same without you here, but life isn’t the same in general at the moment
Love you forever and always Nan ❤️
Hey everyone, please come and join me for my birthday stream on Twitch!
Another year spending my birthday in lockdown, not being able to see friends or family and not being able to celebrate the way you normally would has made it neccessary to find other ways to celebrate, for me I thought it would be fun to stream so I have taken the day off work and will be doing my first ever 12 hour stream to celebrate. There will be fun, games, chats, a unicorn onesie and I will be auctioning off some of my artworks that have been completed on stream. The auction will start the day of my stream and will go for three days finishing during my scheduled Saturday stream.
You can check the auction at Birthday Auction when it is live.
These last two years have been rough and have definitely had it’s ups and downs, and lately I have been really struggling, I feel sad all the time and I don’t really know why or what the cause is other than possibly depression and I’m sure I am not the only person who feels that way, it’s hard on everyone. Sometimes it’s hard to admit that you’re struggling but unfortunaltey it is a part of life and everyone has their moments, maybe for me the nearing of my birthday has made the feel more depressed it has gotten worse over the years and being in lockdown and feeling isolated all the time does not help, but having this stream event to look forward to has really helped me to keep going.
On Saturday during my stream I had lots of laughs with CaptainXIT as we played No Man’s Sky and it was the first time I have laughed like that in a long time and it was amazing and now I am really excited about my birthday event and sharing it with friends and having a good laugh. I hope to see you all there and to spend my birthday with you all!!
On the 22nd and 23rd of May I attended my first event in two years and it felt amazing, I have been in a bit of a slump lately just feeling really flat in general and attending this event and seeing my amazing con family, it gave me the boost I so desperately needed. I feel so rejuvinated and reminded of how much love, fun, friendship and memories I have with so many of these amazing people. Given everything that has happened over the last year or so it felt strangely normal to be at this event, occassionally there was the awkwardness of whether that person was up for hugs or not but most of us were hugging and it was like old times and felt so good.
The people I spend time with at these events are family and they always will be, this family has so much importance to me because they have been there for so long. I was never good at making friends, well I was good at making them but was never good at keeping them, so to say that I have known and been friends/family with some of these people for close to 16 years is just incredible. When I think back to my pre-convention attending days I never would have thought I would be where I am today and be apart of such amazing community. I still feel so lucky to be a part of such an amazing community, I share so many memories with these people and they will always hold special places in my heart because without them those memories wouldn’t exist.
First day of the event I wore my Happy Little Vegemite shirt for nostalgia reasons and the next day I just wore another fandom shirt as always, I didn’t really buy anything over the weekend until the later on the Sunday where I found my mate Jase at Gateworld Collectables had a awesome signed cast photo from Agents of SHIELD and that show helped so much over the last 18months that I just had to buy it.
Here is a quick review of the event… When I arrived I had to park at basically the opposite end of the showgrounds to where the buildings were so that was a little bit of a nuisance. There was also a massive queue to get into the show with prebrought tickets, one that I had walked the length of before being told that I need to go back and join it… I only had a day ticket and I was in no hurry to get into the event so decided to just hang around, I couldn’t be bothered walking all the way back to the end of the queue eventually I managed to get it. The hardest part of often working events is that when you just attend them you have to deal with all the queues, I would have actually volunteered for this event but because I didn’t have the okay from my doctor to go back to my actual job full time and in the office following surgery I didn’t want to take any chances.
Once you got past the entrance queue there was another entry queue to get into the main building of the show, due to the restricted numbers because of covid they had to stagger the entry into the building, of course it made perfect sense and had to be done but there was a definite annoyance in the crowd of people. Unfortunately the queue was like that most of the day and if you left the building at all you had to line back up to get back in, this is why I did by best to avoid having to leave the building, I only did so once and at that stage had not realised you had to go through the whole process again, lucky for me I was with friends who had the Supa Q pass and they let me back in with them, “sometimes it’s not what you know it’s who you know. Anyway the queuing was really the ony negative thing about the event and the reason for it was understandable.
I just really enjoyed spending time with my con family it was great catching up with everyone, talking about things that had happened, even having a little cry with friends because yes, sometimes things get too much and I don’t always talk to the people/friends closest to me about the things that effect me and I think the last few years between medical issues and COVID lockdowns I’ve kept a lot to myself and in some ways I let myself open up with these friends/family, which isn’t neccessarily unordinary but maybe it was just that there was more to talk about this time than in the past. I think COVID and the lockdowns really made it feel hard to talk to people, because everyone is going through the same thing but differently so you don’t neccessarily feel like you can talk about your issues when those around you have their own… It was good to talk about it with these friends who I hadn’t seen in ages and learn that yeah, maybe I had been through a little more than most in the last 18months.It took me a while to get this post out because straight after that weekend, like three days later Melbourne went back into lockdown and it feels like it has been two week lockdown, two weeks open since then and it is so hard to do things when there is no consistency anymore.
Complete Guest List: Zack Snyder, Miranda Otto, David Wenham, Radha Mitchell, Liam McIntyre, Elizabeth Blackmore, Nicholas Hamilton, Luke Arnold, Lincoln Lewis, John Jarratt, Spike Spencer, Aimee Smith, Joe Brumm, David McCormack, Nicola Scott, Tom Taylor, Stewart McKenny, Anthony Christou, Queenie Chan, Jamie Johnson, Dean Rankine, Al Barrionuevo, David Yardin, Darren Close, Gary Proudley, Christopher Sequeira, Steve Proposch, Jack Dann, Steve Paulsen, Janeen Webb, Tracie McBride, Charles Spiteri, Maurice Zanthos, Rebecca Fraser, Dr Karl Kruszelnicki, Jay Kistoff, Maria Lewis, Amanda Bridgeman, Jodi McAlister, and Astrid Scholte.
I have been busy lately with having started streaming on Twitch, but I recently got back into doing some drawing and decided to reimagine one of my old drawings and create a character from it and want to use it in my streams as emotes and other things.
I started to reimagine this character to use in emotes after becoming Affiliate on Twitch and thought it would be cool to use and it would be fun getting back into drawing something a little different than normal. At the moment I only have one emote of him available and that’s only for Tier 3 subscribers to which I have none, but I’m hoping once I get more subscribers I can get more uploaded for people to use in mine and others chats on Twitch and discord. I was also thinking of creating T-Shirt designs for a Twitch/TeeSpring store to sell.
You can check my Twitch channel out here: https://www.twitch.tv/smileygidget
I honestly don’t even know how to put into words what this year had been like for me and I know so many people have had their own struggles too…. this year will definitely be one that I will never forget and I’m sure a lot of people can say the same thing.
This year and it’s struggles have been such a emotional roller coaster from the isolation of Melbourne restrictions and working from home to the people I have loved who have left us this year, I still cry when I talk about them like my boy Zac who I miss dearly when I just want a fluffy hug but Izzy my girl has been by my side and my rock this year more than I ever though possible. My Nan who left us not so long ago and I miss so dearly that I still cry for often even though I know in my heart she’d be telling me to stop crying and be strong and to which I respond with “I’m trying Nan” every time, but to cry is not a weakness it’s a realisation that you need to let the emotion go, if I didn’t cry this year I would be a horrible pent up mess of so many emotions so I know it is better out than in.I never thought I would be dealing with these medical issues for another year either but here we are and now I know it could go on for much longer or even end up being something I deal with for life, this year and it’s crazy hasn’t made it such a focus point even though the pain is always there and constant it’s been easy to ignore with everything else happening…
There have been so many good things this year though, I found Twitch and with that I found one of the most supportive and loving communities I have been a part of in a long time, this year was my first year in years that I didn’t attend a convention or event of any kind and the twitch community have definitely helped to fill that void and give me the family that I have missed, I have made so many new and amazing friends and achieved goals I never would have thought to have such as starting to stream and becoming affiliate on twitch, making a little bit of money doing something that I thoroughly enjoy never crossed my mind before…
I hope that 2021 will be a better year, but then again for me the last two years have been especially hard even if I don’t think anything will top this year for the emotional struggles… our lives with Covid and this pandemic is not over yet and we just have to be prepared for whatever comes next, we have to remember to be safe and to not take things and people for granted.
You are all special people to me and I hope that as we say goodbye to 2020 we do so with people who are special to us be it in person or virtually, let enjoy life as much as we can right now. Love to you all, HAPPY NEW YEAR!
(Post copied from Facebook, but I really wanted to share it here too)
