The Hard Times
I’ve decided to write this blog post, to help me express how I’ve been feeling lately during these hard and challenging times. I know I haven’t really posted a lot of personal things in this blog, it just felt right to get it written out. I know I have started a Vlog, to talk about issues, but I still find it a lot easier to write things down than talk about them.
This week I am off from work, although the dates for this annual leave was my choice. Taking it hasn’t been, we have been told we have to use all of our annual leave. It’s really hard to enjoy taking time off work when you cannot enjoy it. When the world is locked down and you can’t do anything with your annual leave.
How can you enjoy yourself when:
- It’s not your choice to take leave,
- You can’t do anything with your leave, and
- It’s getting harder to distinguish between working days and non-working days when everything happens in the same place.
Stuck in Lockdown
I’m not generally a stay at home person, I get bored easily and like to keep busy. Unfortunately, my current medical issues don’t leave me a lot of options. I can’t sit for long periods and I can’t walk very far because it causes too much pain. When I was walking with a friend it was okay as I had the distraction of someone else to talk to but alone it’s just too much.
I wish I had something more I could do with my time. I’m so bored and feel like I have nothing to do. My Mum suggested that I try and get back into being artistic, or take up knitting or sewing. These are things I have tried in the past and are 100% not for me. I would love to get back into being artistic though, the only issue is that my art requires a lot of sitting and that can be painful at the moment.
These medical issues I have been dealing with for over a year now. Sometimes it’s something I can push to the side and ignore, but other times it’s just too much to deal with. I get surprised sometimes when I’ve been having consistently good days, I’m aware that it’s going to turn and I’ll have a terrible day.
When these medical issues first arose last year, I ended up having to go into hospital and have emergency surgery. At the time I was advised that the recovery would be approximately 6-8 weeks, and everything would be okay. Since then I have learnt a lot more about it, including that this is a chronic medical illness that could last years. I wonder if I had known that at the start, if all the waiting would have been easier. I’m currently on a waiting list for a third surgery, I’m hoping whenever that goes ahead it’ll be the last. But I will not get my hopes up, I don’t know if I can really handle that let down again.
This week has gone by quickly, but I did manage to get some artwork done. I tried another lot of pouring paints paintings, plus some watercolours and even a drawing. Although, because its been a while my hand was cramping a lot. I went for a few walks, watched some TV, spoke with some family and friends, did a little bit of shopping. I went when the shops weren’t busy so I didn’t have to deal with the anxiety of having people too close to me. All of this social distancing, the longer it goes on the harder it gets and the higher the anxiety rises.
I also had an appointment with my psychologist this week, in these crazy times with so many things changing those appointments are important. Especially with all the growing anxieties given the continued rise in Covid cases lately. And everything else that comes with that rise. There’s definitely been a growing amount of stress and even depression lately. Emotions are getting harder and harder to ignore, I have cried a lot over the last few weeks. Things will get better, and I know I am not the only person struggling in these strange times.
The biggest struggle I have in these times are the lack of human connection. I am most definitely a hugger and I miss the feeling of being able to embraced another human being. Being that close to someone that you can hear and feel their heartbeat.
I’ve very lucky to have my gorgeous cats to keep me company. At least I can hug them, even though they don’t always like them. It’s still not the same as hugging a human though. I also feel trapped lately. There’s no a lot we can do at the moment, it’s so hard.
Thanks for your time in reading my blog post. I hope everyone is staying as safe as possible and are coping in these strange times. Please let me know how you are going. What you are doing to help get you through. We all need to stick together right now and help each other as we struggle our way through this strange world.
- How are you feeling?
- What are you doing to help?
- How are you keeping yourselves busy?
- What do you miss the most?
- What are you struggling with the most?
- Do you have any tips to help get by?
- What are you looking forward to when things get better?