Three weeks ago on the 14th February 2022 I began my newest career journey, I started at a company called Cleanaway as part of the inaugral Women’s Drivers Academy and am currently in training to not only get my truck licence but also to learn how to be a side-lift truck operator and collect bins in suburbs of Melbourne. This role is completely different to my previous role which was office based and a work from home role for the last two years, this job gives me the opportunity to try something new to learn new things and to challenge myself in ways that I’ve never thought about before.

In November 2021, I first found out that I would no longer have a job at the University, and before this was even fully confirmed I applied for this role at Cleanaway. I was so excited about the role, the challenge and the opportunities that it would give me that I really had my heart set on it and originally I did not make the cut and get a position, I remember struggling to get through the phone call without crying because I felt devastated and rejected. It was a hard time but when I got the call to say they could offer me a position I was more than surprised and accepted without hesitation and I am so glad to have started on this journey because so far it has been an amazing experience.

As mentioned I really struggled when I found out I did not originally get the position, the rejection was really hard on me, I felt pathetic and useless and unwanted. I threw myself into applying for jobs and would apply for jobs every single day, the job market was huge at the time lots of administration jobs but nothing seemed right because I think in the back of my mind I just had the idea of being on the road instead of an office so it felt hard to find the right positions to apply for.

I did what I could, I continued to apply for jobs even though I never heard back about any of them which is so disheartening. I joined agencies, got tips from career counsellors but I could only do so much. I ended up getting the call about Cleanaway on the Thursday and I started work on the Monday, so it ended up being a little bit of a whirlwind, but I’m glad that I still got to start at the same time as the other eight women in the academy. I’m so honoured to be a part of such an amazing group of women, it’s been great getting to know them and to be working with them.

The first week on the job we got to learn a lot about the company and waste management, it was an interesting experience, so many fascinating things to learn about like the different waste facilities and visiting the sites, learning about how we can effect the process on our end and there is so much more everyone could be doing to help the process. The most interesting place to visit for me was the largest landfill facility in the Southern Hemisphere, it really is massive and I think the way they do things is amazing.

The last two weeks have been focussed on doing course work for our truck licences and learning to actually drive the trucks, I have had two lessons driving the truck the first time was very daunting because you are in control of such a big piece of machinery but the instructors have been amazing and I have learnt so much.

This week during my drive I got to have a try at reversing and also got to drive on the left-hand side which was amazingly less daunting than the reversing, probably because I wasn’t in the truck all by myself. I am still learning but I feel much more confident after my second driving attempt and I still have three more lessons so hopefully by the time it comes to our assessments I’ll be confident I can do it, but I know I’ll still be scared or worried about doing something wrong as you always are when it comes to tests!

Today marks the end of the third week at this job and I really am enjoying it but also feel a little drained not only because I am learning something new and there has been a lot to learn and a lot of information to take on board, but also the fact that I went from working from home for the last two years to suddenly being around people every day and in a classroom setting for the last two weeks with a lot of people talking and a lot of noise I’m not used to. I don’t think I ever really considered how hard it would be going from being home alone for so long to being around people constantly.

I’m sure I am missing having my girl Izzy by my side all day every day too, she has been my constant companion and I miss her company and her cuddles, although I have to admit it’s nice to have a conversation with real people for a change *hehe* I will eventually get used to the change, but the change has just been a little overwhelming this week and I have struggled, I wanted to just curl up in a ball and hide from the world but I know life isn’t that simple and you just gotta keep going.

I am doing what I can to get through this and I know that there are things that I can do for myself to help me feel so not overwhelmed, unfortunately the simple act of being alone and taking some time to decompress is not as easy for me, you would think for someone who is single and basically lives alone I could do that no problem but unfortunately some people don’t understand the need to take care of your own mental health.

I spent three days fighting an internal battle that I needed space and I spent more than three hours writing a text message because I felt the need to explain myself to someone who I thought would understand, but instead I was made to feel like a terrible person and a bad guy because I wanted to take time for myself, even though I was scared that I would run myself too thin and I would lose this job because I couldn’t cope. I have felt so much anxiety over the last few days that my decision would be overruled by someone else because in so many ways I never feel like I am truly in control of my life.

This weekend is Supanova and for anyone who has ever read my blog or looked at my website would know other than 2020 I have been to every single Melbourne event they have held and I really wanted to go this year as well because I miss my friends and my con family, but I know that I would be destroying what little grasp I feel like I have left at the moment by going. So I have sadly had to make the decision to not attend, but I hope all those that do enjoy themselves and have a good time. I will miss you and I wish I could be there. Hopefully next year things will be different, I can only hope….

I have also updated my stream schedule to fit in with my new job, as of next week I will be starting work at 4am and so having a streaming schedule that finishes at midnight will no longer work so I have changed it to 6pm-9pm Tues and Thurs with hopefully a weekend stream thrown in the mix. As always I appreciate your support and everything you do for me.