I’ve decided to write a blog post to express how I’ve been feeling lately with the challenging times everyone has been facing this year. I thought it might be easier to express myself through a Blog rather than through a Vlog, sometimes it’s just easier writing about things than talking about them.

I have had this week off work, although the dates for the leave were my choice having to take it isn’t and it makes it hard to enjoy some annual leave when;

1. It’s not your choice to take it,
2. you can’t do anything with it, and
3. it’s getting harder to distinguish between working days and non-working days when everything happens in the same place.

I’m not generally a stay at home person, I get bored easily and like to keep busy. Unfortunately my current medical issues don’t leave me a lot of options as I can’t sit for long periods and I can’t walk very far because it causes too much pain, when I was walking with a friend it was okay as I had the distraction of someone else to talk to but alone it’s just too much.

I was speaking with my Mum earlier in the week when I commented that I wish I had something more I could do as I was so bored but Mum responded that she always has things to do at home so never feels bored, she suggested I get back into being artistic or take up knitting or sewing which are both things I have tried and failed in the past. I understand what she means but these tasks require a lot of time sitting and that’s one of my biggest issues and the reason why I haven’t been drawing a lot lately.

These medical issues I have been dealing with for over a year now and sometimes it gets to me more than other times, some days are better than others and quite often when I think it’s been going well for a while it’ll turn again and I’ll have a really bad day. When these medical issues first arose last year and I had to have emergency surgery I was advised that it would only be 6 – 8 weeks and everything would be okay, since then I have learnt a lot more about it which includes that it is a chronic medical issue that could last years, I wonder if I had have known that from the start if all the waiting would’ve been easier. I’m currently on a waiting list for a third surgery so hopefully whenever that can go ahead it’ll be sorted but it was supposed to be sorted the last surgery so who knows.

Anyway, this week has gone by quickly I did get some artwork done though, I tried another lot of pouring paints paintings, plus some watercolours and even a drawing although its been a while so my hand was cramping a lot. Went for a few walks, watched TV, spoke with some family/friends and did some shopping whilst the shops aren’t as busy so I didn’t have to deal with the anxiety of having people not social distancing because the longer this goes on the higher the anxiety grows. I also spoke with my psychologist this week, in these crazy times so much had happened since the last time I spoke with her not to mention the growing anxieties given the continued rise in cases lately and everything else that comes with it – there has definitely been a growing amount of stress and even depression lately, emotions are getting harder and harder to ignore and I have cried a lot over the last few weeks, but things will get better and I know I am not the only person struggling in these strange times.